Whattup Horsey-holics !!!! Your certified “Cult Leader” is back and better than ever. And of course, “Yard-bird” is alive and representin. Well, at least most of us are. “The Orient Express” Shank Dorsey and “The Other White Meat” Dale Johnson are STILL the FIW Tag-Team Champs, are STILL the VCW Tag-Team Champs, are STILL undefeated and have given damn near every opponent that they face a “Shocking” reality. Is there anything that Shank and Dale can’t do?

We are one of the most entertaining, talented, violent, charismatic, sexy and intelligent Tag-Teams in the world today. OK, maybe the sexy thing is stretching it. Maybe “The Orient Express” Shank Dorsey is being a little conceited, but hey, I’m Yard-bird, I’m allowed to be.

This coming Saturday in Zanesville, OH, Shank and Dale get to once again live up to the standards that I have just laid down, as we will be in action defending our FIW Tag-Team Titles, against Sebastian Ice and Kage. The last time we had an encounter with Kage, he learned first hand, just what kind of people we are and that there is no way that he would have any kind of chance against us. By the way Kage, Dale kinda misses the “moments” you two had together. Maybe Dale can make up for lost time with you. We will see. Sebastian Ice on the other hand is a different story. I have faced this man before, and the last thing I remember about him is that he was on all fours, takin “The Dorsey Horsey” like it was nobodies business and smiling from ear to ear in the process. Well, sorry bout your luck this time Ice. I just don’t like guys with boobs, and you can’t get a bigger boob than Kage.

Speaking of boobs, I have a little something to say about a certain big-nosed, needle-armed, protein shake drinkin (or should I say protein SHANK drinkin), I want to work out everyday so I won’t have to live with the reality that I have a small penis with a padded implant in my tights named Mark Mattress . Yes, I know his name is Mark Mattis but from now on he will be referred to as Mark Mattress because from what I hear coming from a certain someone down south is that laying on your back is about all the talent you have in this business.

Mattress posted on his web site that he was booked against me a couple weeks ago and conveniently, the show was cancelled. This is the 3rd time that Dorsey vs. Mattress was supposed to take place and this is the 3rd time the show has been cancelled. Coincidence, I think not. Just face reality and admit that you are terrified of the thought of being in the ring by yourself with me. As a matter of fact, you respect my skills so much that you are now trying to mold yourself off of me and are still trying to ride my coat tails. Oh, you don’t think so? Let’s weigh some options.

Mark Mattress was a no nothing, green back, jobber until Shank took him in. I took him under my wing, I got him booked on shows, I even got him tag matches against me so I could lead him around the ring by his big, hook nose. Which was a task in itself. I helped him with all aspects of this business, even physical growth, because you know I am a genetic freak myself with a set of abs to die for.

Now, this punk goes around wearing pink tights and prances around the ring trying to disrupt the “Homophobic Rhythm”. Hhhhmmm, wonder where you got that concept. Also he has an equally gay partner that stands at ringside choking opponents and cheating every chance he gets because he knows that Mattress isn’t talented enough to win by himself. Oh yea, by the way. Classic Shank and Wimpy. Let’s see, he walks out to the ring with his hair gelled and sticking up all over the place. Hey, wonder who else has that same hairstyle? Hell dude, why don’t you just take all my shit and start hitting a spinning leg drop and “The Dorsey Horsey”. You might as well because it’s obvious to everyone that you are swinging ever so gently on the yam bag of “The Orient Express” and crave for a nice big bowl of “Hot Soup a la Dorsey”.

You are right about one thing though. You do put the “fun” back in “fundamentals”. You put the “fun” back in “Fundamentally Challenged”. As a matter of fact, I believe that every single member of “The Yard-Bird Posse” holds some kind of title for some kind of promotion ------ except one. I bet you can’t guess who that is? So before you go and start flappin you suck, you need to sit back and think about who you are flappin it about because boy, your steroid ridden body can’t hang.

And once I get my hands on a certain piece of “Danamite”, you will then see why I am “The Orient Express” Shank Dorsey and you simply, are not. So just remember your role bitch boy and live with the fact that “If you ain’t Yard-Bird, you ain’t shit” !!!!!!